Patrícia Bargalló: "There are things you might not express when you're little because of a lack of resources."

BarcelonaThroughout life, learning is both conscious and unconscious. As children, we are like unfiltered sponges, absorbing everything around us, and this can be very varied. We learn a lot from the adults around us, from how they manage their daily lives, but there's also a lot of learning that comes from culture, from the invisible structures that permeate us.

In the work L3 FontanaYour character, Nina, wonders why learning requires so much suffering. But when we look at the children, they seem to learn without suffering.

— The truth is, I don't know if learning is painful for my children. Growing up isn't easy either, and perhaps there are things you don't express when you're young due to a lack of resources, not because things don't hurt you or impact you in some way. I think suffering is inherent to life, and as you grow older, you acquire the resources to manage it.

Perhaps becoming an adult is about learning to suffer.

— Frustration, disappointment, fear, sadness—these are feelings that can cause you great suffering, and knowing how to manage them is key to generating the resources that will help you sustain them later. The key is to prevent them from disabling you.

"Now that you cry, you don't make me suffer as much as before" is a very apt quote written by Roser Vilajosana. Tell me about the difference in how you express your son's and daughter's feelings.

— Bruc is a very sensitive boy, and crying is a natural trait. The only time I've ever seen him afraid to cry was when my father died. The immensity of death, the implacable fact of loss, overwhelmed him. His sister played a key role: she broke the tension by making jokes, imitating his grandfather, calling him, recalling his quirks, and that way he could untie the knot, continue the joke. And I cried and laughed, and little by little, we began to make progress. We talked a lot, and I didn't hide my brokenness either, and in the same way, I tried to make them understand that it was there, that it wasn't going away—which I suppose is what scared him most and kept him on his toes.

And Juana?

— I have a very good friend who works on a parenting project who told me something that, for me, was very enlightening: in interpersonal relationships, girls seem to be training each other from a young age, getting angry, letting go, and telling each other things. While boys handle these things more simply. From here, there are so many other factors that affect us that it's better to look at ourselves and try to do the personal work that we need to do. Patriarchy reigns at very deep levels, and for me, the gateway to overthrowing it has to do with identifying what's happening and avoiding judgment.

How does your child play?

— Well, he has a collection of dinosaurs that he adores, and also a rag doll on his bed that connects him to when he was younger, and although he didn't pay any attention to it when he was little, he's been keen to keep an eye on it. For some time now, we've had to be careful that the screen thing doesn't get out of hand and monopolize everything. So I guess I wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you that, right now, the toys that excite him the most are the ones that have to do with screens.

And her?

— My little one is more of a hands-on kind of girl, more of an experimenter, more of an imaginative playmate, so anything that involves costumes and adventures fascinates her. She has a pottery class, a box full of craft supplies, a trunk of clothes and costumes, bags that fills up when you go on adventures, a makeup box...

What phrases do you need to tell yourself from time to time?

Breathe, don't get into the fight. They're not adults. Pick your battles. Don't repeat things more than three times. Don't take it personally. Remember the time you had to lie down in bed with them when they went to sleep. Take out the focus.